My girl, Zelda, is having a birthday today.
She likes her politics and her boys.
She's a fan of a cocktail in moderation. And sometimes out of it.
Shoes and chocolate are, of course, a favorite combination. Though on the first night we cemented our friendship it was shoes and beer...and swing dancing.
I love her zest and her laughter.
I love her direct sort of kindness and I can only hope one day to develop half the savvy she has about the people around her.
Most of all she loves her friends. She loves us all so much and for that I am truly, truly grateful.
Happy Birthday, sister. Eat good food, drink good drinks and have good fun with good friends. I love you.

Ode To A Birthday Boy

It's Dion's birthday today.
I want him to be happy on his birthday (and every day!) so I'm posting this for him.


Happy Birthday, friend, I love you.




Images from Google Images.

9 Things To Tell You And One Thing To Ask

1. Baby wipes are the best way ever invented to remove makeup. Perfect for lazy people like me who can't be bothered to actually put their hair back and wash their faces before bed. I (and my pillow cases) are so much cleaner now.

2. Do not walk to the bathroom from your bed while drinking a glass of water. Stepping on the cat is a very guilty way to start the day.

3. This is a great music venue here in Brooklyn. The space is comfortable, the rest of the bar is far enough away not to interfere and the sound guy seems to actually know what to do and have the equipment to do it well.

4. I saw the Nu-Sonics at the above-mentioned venue last night and you really ought to see them live next time you get a chance. They've really stepped it up lately and they've got some new tunes. Highly recommend.

5. There's an ice cream/Italian ice place across from the venue. Ice cream is good. But you probably knew that already.

6. When you travel out and about the city for the purpose of picture taking may I suggest that you check that your camera battery is charged. I learned that the hard way.

7. If you're looking for pictures of my walk around Harlem last weekend there aren't any. See #6.

8. The number two key (also the at symbol key) is broken on my laptop. I hate that.

9. The pooch has been diagnosed with arthritis. Not too terribly surprising, she's 13 after all. She had some doggie ibuprofen for 5 days and now she's on a bunch of supplements. She is clearly feeling better but not exactly 100%. I'm considering getting her on some version of doggie ibuprofen permanently but waiting to see how she does.

1. So the place that I thought I would use for my 40th birthday party fell through. I'm looking for a place in New York where I can have a small amount of live acoustic music, serve food and drinks and just have a good time on a Saturday night in January. Anyone have any ideas?

Storming the Bastille

It's a big anniversary day. Some people broke out of a big old prison and changed the course of history and I started blogging.
The bell in my memory rang sometime mid-morning so I checked the archives and verified that it was really today that was the anniversary of my embarking on this nutty venture. This nutty venture into which I have happily dragged a few of you. Yay for company on nutty ventures!

Once I was sure it was the historic day I cast about for content. Let's see...nearly killed myself with spray fumes, got very late info on changes at work (she was fired?! really?!?!?!) and my beloved Bobby was coming to stay for a couple of days. It didn't seem, well, weighty enough, you know? So I just kept staring at my day harder looking for something and it turns out that content doesn't just spring forth while you're shining a desk chair with your derriere. While walking the pooches, though, I came to one of those realizations we're so fond of here in the blogosphere.

Both Kath and Alex feel that Bobby is an enormous imposition. They call him a big, hunking galoot with bad manners. And, you know, he is a big, hunking galoot but, frankly, that's part of his charm. His manners are truly not so bad with me at all. Once in a while he'll try to pull me or jump on me and I give him the word or a corrective jerk (so many jokes to go with that term and only so much space on the internet) and he straightens up and flies right, as the saying goes. I love having his matching floppy lips and ears around and even his insidious silent but deadly farts have been making me giggle all evening.

Miss Emily, as you know, has a bum leg. It remains similarly bad to when I complained of it yesterday. She can't go far for a while. Well, she can, she would in fact love to, but I can't let her. So for the past couple of days I've been brainstorming how to be sure that Bob gets his ya yas out and not feel guilty about leaving Em alone and still get to work on time. More than once I've considered not going in to work at least one of the days he's here. It'd be nice for the dogs but I didn't do it mostly because it seemed too nice a thing to do for myself. Staying home, writing, hanging with the dogs, wearing my PJs, extravagant, no? I've settled on getting up at 6, as I normally do, taking Bob immediately to the park for a bit of off leash time, coming home, getting ready for work, feeding the menagerie and taking both dogs for a short spin before I go to work. Courtesy of Kath they'll have a noon time walk with our local dogwalker extraordinaire. At night I'll gauge the Bobster's energy level and decide whether it's vital that he hit the park at 9 for another taste of the off leash.

This evening I went straight from work to pick the boy up. He was super excited to see me but easily convinced not to jump then petted and highly praised while he wiggled and rolled and drooled to his heart's content. I power snuggled our Lorry, gave her some food, grabbed a couple of dog toys and we hit the road. He was excited but not nutty and within half a block, really, he'd settled in to walk at a normal pace without pulling. I took him on a long, circuitous route home to pick up Emily. At home he immediately wanted to play with the cats since at his house the kitten is his playmate. I broke that up, reprimanding both sides for stupidity and rounded up the Emster. For her part she stood around looking confused and refusing to touch her injured paw to the ground which I took as a sign that we really shouldn't go far. I settled on a 2 block route with grass for her feet and a mostly deserted home stretch for greater freedom and we, you'll pardon the pun, bobbed and weaved to the sidewalk under the disapproving stares of my ridiculous neighbors. Speaking of Bobby, he was essentially docile by this point, happy to walk at my side or stand and survey his kingdom while we waited for Emily to sniff and scratch. On the aforementioned home stretch I chose to stay on the side with the crazy dog who flings itself at the glass doors because I didn't want to drag Em to the other sidewalk. I figured that, with her bad foot, she'd ignore him or give him a bark and leave it at that.

Some days I couldn't be wronger.

He flung himself, she jumped and the second she landed she yelped in pain and wouldn't put the paw down and I had a hell of a time limping her away from the excitement of the other dog still trying to break through the window pane so we could diffuse the situation. I'm not sure Bobby noticed at all. It was right about there that I had my realization.

I've been blogging for four years today. It's not so very long next to folks like Scalzi and Pamie and Sars and even Dooce but it's practically an eternity next to the new generation of power houses like our beautiful friend Mrs. G. It's no surprise that over the course of those 4 years I've changed where this space is concerned. Take my word for it, please don't go back and read the first entry, or indeed any entry in the first few months. I think I've managed to find a voice and a rhythm and even begun to fly, just a little, quite close to the ground, don't want any of that Icarus craziness to happen. Very exciting things have happened what with Neil Gaiman linking to me and Susie Bright sending me an e-mail. New friendships have been forged, old acquaintanceships have been unearthed and become friendships, old friendships have been strengthened and it would be a laughable understatement to say that I've learned some things.

This past year has been somewhat more intense in that learning category. I've had some rough conversations with friends and family about what I say here and how I say it. It's taught me how important this outlet is to me by how quickly, emotionally and somewhat inexpertly I have defended it. I love this spot in the amorphous vastness of the internet. I've planted my flag here and started to build my tiny claim shanty. Of course I also love my friends and family even when I disagree with them most heartily. So I am having to change my approach and adjust my expectations of myself and of others.

I am honestly not a little grateful to have Bobby here for a few days. It may sound logistically convoluted but he is a comfort to me. We've all been sitting here quietly for over an hour and just a moment ago he spontaneously stood up, whined and licked me all over the face. Now Em is up and cleaning out the entire inside of his mouth. I am studiously not looking. The thing is, I am quite worried about Emily. Objectively she probably has a bad sprain that's getting re-aggravated but at 13 years old there are other possibilities that make all my important orifices pucker in abject fear. With Bobby here she has company even when I'm not around and I've got his special brand of slobbery love to keep my spirits up and a reason to walk off some of my nervous energy without breaking Emily any further. I've just had to adjust my approach a little to protect and enjoy what's important to me.

It's not simple and sometimes it makes me furious and despondent but it's totally worth it.

Thank you for swinging through here and spending some time having happy hour (at all times of the day) on my virtual porch. I look forward to having you around for a long, long time.

Less Than Half

5 months from today I turn 40.

It came up by accident today and I had to share.

Amusement, Like the Park

Julia is wondering what exactly the Mermaid Parade is about since she feels the accounts of young girls' birthday parties and her images of half naked women are conflicting. Let's call it something typical New York, there's something for everyone. I've never been so I can't speak exactly but my understanding is that it's a place where there are half naked folks and fully dressed folks and those folks are of all ages. Here is what happens when you search Flickr for "Mermaid Parade"* and here is the FAQ from the group that runs the parade and here is what BaldSug found on Flickr* and I'll give you a first hand account when I get back. I've decided that, with all I have to carry I'll just wear the skirt to the parade. My neighbors are starting to think I fit in around here, got to nip that in the bud.

*I urge you strongly to check all those photos out, there's some fabulous stuff in there and I hope to have more to add to it after today.

Well Since You Asked

O'Mama posted a curious comment just as I was uploading these. I am happy to oblige.

I fashioned crowns for the girls. Perhaps they will want ribbon spirals to hang from them but we'll deal with that tomorrow.
I tested out the temp tattoos. There are 36 various "young girl" tattoos of which this is one. The "big girl" tattoos I got for me and Carmencita are one each so I didn't test. (Dear Temporary Tattoo Conglomerate, Better tattoos for young girls, please. Love, Kizz)
I crafted costume pieces. This is perhaps why I should never buy one of those fancy Oprah-recommended Wacoal bras. I think I'm going to have to transport this in its own ziploc bag. I may toss a little extra glitter in the bag for good measure, sort of like Shake 'N' Bake for your costumery.
Here's just a hint of what's to come. I wasn't teasing on purpose I was just struggling with aiming, clicking and not having the camera or my arms hiding significant parts of the costume.
There you go! Although my arm is hiding the mid-line dangly bits I worked on so painstakingly. Couldn't get a better focus but this is just pre-show. I'll get other human beings to take photos tomorrow. This will do for now. I'm going for a sort of skirt of the sea and I'm kind of swimming out of it. I chose the hat for its swim cap qualities and then glitter...um...'cause it's a seven year old's birthday party and glitter is cool.
Glamor is all well and good but I'm not hiking the boardwalk while pulling a little wagon full of little mermaids in anything but my most comfortable shoes. They're blue, silver and sparkly so I say they perfectly complete the outfit.
My entire house and my entire body looks like this. On some level I don't mind. On the level that's going to be cleaning up glittery cat puke I'm...let's call it frustrated. Glitter is not a corallable medium.
There's gonna be "whole lot of hoot, leeetle bit of nanny!"

I can't wait.

Help A Birthday Girl Out

It's Steph's birthday today...or perhaps yesterday. It's today, right Steph? I always think it's the 22nd and it's in my birthday book as the 22nd but I have this memory of you telling me it was the 23rd and me being embarrassed but I can't prove it. Please help me!

Anyway, she's unemployed at the moment and interviewing diligently. The other day she had a pretty good one and they asked her to take a personality test. It turned out to be really weird and she's looking for some feedback. Will you go check out what she says about it and see what you think, please? Oh, you know, and leave her a comment to let her know what that thinking is too, also please.

You could wish her Happy Birthday, too.

You know, if you wanted.

Goes Without Saying

This is probably my favorite group.
I shouldn't be mucking it up with words.
I love you Auntie!

Are You Ready For More Heat?

In case you haven't been able to tell I'm doing this in a random fashion. There may be repeated celebs and the ladies are in no specific order.
This woman in orange I was led to believe was Tina Cervasio but now it looks like it's not her. Erin Andrews? Is she someone? She's good looking whoever she is!
Happy Birthday my friend!

I want the rest of the internet to please make a pact to make better photos of Linda Cardellini available online. She's a gorgeous woman, especially when she grins, why are we hoarding those images in our basements?

Hot Sister to Sister

You know your sister loves you when she requests Hot People for your birthday posts.
Auntie, these are from Chili. I think she knows you well!
Just a warning, don't go googling your own pictures of Sandra Bullock, apparently a lot of people out there on the intarwebs like to photoshop and draw her with bizarre deformities.

There's a Girl and She Was Birthed

Auntie is having a birthday today!
She has agreed to forgoing a physical gift in exchange for a whole series of Hot People posts.

That last one was the only way I could get Jennifer Garner & the Red Sox into one picture. Does the woman never wear a freaking ball cap?

Without a specific request I'm totally winging it. I hope you like it, sister-friend!

The Anniversary of the Birth

Here's what you were going to get at noon, before plans changed:

Today marks the anniversary of the birth of a famous and well-known writer.

My cousin, Mike.

By chance it's also the birthday of another famous writer. Bill Something or other. So, I should probably put out some fancy words, right? I'll give you some of Cole Porter's. They're safe for work and all but dude, Cole was kind of racy.

BRUSH UP YOUR SHAKESPEARE
From "Kiss Me Kate"


The girls today in society go for classical poetry
So to win their hearts one must quote with ease
Aeschylus and Euripides
One must know Homer, and believe me, Beau
Sophocles, also Sappho-ho
Unless you know Shelley and Keats and Pope
Dainty Debbies will call you a dope

But the poet of them all
Who will start 'em simply ravin'
Is the poet people call
The Bard of Stratford on Avon

{Refrain}
Brush up your Shakespeare
Start quoting him now
Brush up your Shakespeare
And the women you will wow

Just declaim a few lines from Othella
And they'll think you're a hell of a fella
If your blonde won't respond when you flatter 'er
Tell her what Tony told Cleopatterer

If she fights when her clothes you are mussing
What are clothes?  Much ado about nussing
Brush up your Shakespeare
And they'll all kow-tow

{Refrain}

With the wife of the British ambassida
Try a crack out of Troilus and Cressida
If she says she won't buy it or like it
Make her tike it, what's more As You Like It

If she says your behavior is heinous
Kick her right in the Coriolanus
Brush up your Shakespeare
And they'll all kow-tow

{Refrain}

If you can't be a ham and do Hamlet
They will not give a damn or a damlet
Just recite an occasional sonnet
And your lap'll have honey upon it

When your baby is pleading for pleasure
Let her sample your Measure for Measure
Brush up your Shakespeare
And they'll all kow-tow - Forsooth
And they'll all kow-tow
And they'll all kow-tow

{Refrain}

Better mention "The Merchant Of Venice"
When her sweet pound o' flesh you would menace
If her virtue, at first, she defends---well
Just remind her that "All's Well That Ends Well"

And if still she won't give you a bonus
You know what Venus got from Adonis
Brush up your Shakespeare
And they'll all kow-tow - Thinkst thou?
And they'll all kow-tow - Odds bodkins
And they'll all kow-tow

{Refrain}

If your goil is a Washington Heights dream
Treat the kid to "A Midsummer Night's Dream"
If she then wants an all-by-herself night
Let her rest ev'ry 'leventh or "Twelfth Night"

If because of your heat she gets huffy
Simply play on and "Lay on, Macduffy!"
Brush up your Shakespeare
And they'll all kow-tow - Forsooth
And they'll all kow-tow - Thinkst thou?
And they'll all kow-tow - We trou'
And they'll all kow-tow

Photo Credit

Close The Heck Up

I'm not feeling the 10 Things Tuesday inspiration today. You know what I sometimes like to do when I'm not feeling something? I do it anyway. I'm from New England, it's sort of how we roll. When you're done you're either finally feeling it or at least your done.

Yeah, it's not a perfect system.

I'm also not feeling these photos because I accidentally uploaded them uncentered and they're weird but I'm not going to go back and redo it so I think it goes with my non-theme.


Just 10 Things on a Tuesday

1. Embiggen that photo of Elvis cleaning himself to check out the damage he's done to his legs. What the camera can't capture are the scabs and bumps from the constant licking and biting. I am trying everything and we've yet to hit the magic combo.

2. If you're every ready to try anything holistic to help a pet go to this place and talk to Phil. Phil is nuts in an awesome way.

3. For the past couple of days it's looked really nice out but been sort of chilly. I hate it when the weather does an Eddie Murphy routine on you. (Wanna lick? Psyche!)

4. Oh, this is important and I keep forgetting to say it. Yes, Auntie and Chili and whoever else, you can absolutely get the ProfDoc treatment for your birthday but you must give me direction and you must be willing to sacrifice. Keep in mind that she got that treatment because she STILL hasn't received a tangible gift for her birthday that was a week ago and that she and I have a friendship built on a firm foundation of pop culture. We talk about who we find hot in a celeb context nearly every day and we've known each other about a decade so I had a lot to work with. For instance Auntie, I only know Tina Cervasio and I don't think I can do a whole day on her, as attractive and intriguing as she is, so give me a few more ideas or even a general "type" (Audio Girl for instance would get a whole day of dark-skinned, dark-haired beauties) to work with. I am more than happy to accommodate specific requests.

5. I found my birthday book last night (A 1996 Vermont day planner with everyone's birthdays in it.) and have entered everyone's birthdays into my calendar which I now know how to sync with my iPod (whoopee!). Well, everyone with whose birthday I was familiar as of 1999 at least. If you came on the scene after that you might be better off updating me. Now I've found the book I can update it when you do.

6. I'm only on six. This could be because I'm not doing much lately.

7. This weight maintenance thing is hard. At least as hard as advertised.

8. I'm getting a kick out of filling in all the squares for daily essentials like water and dairy and veggies, though. Yesterday I got the smiley face for eating enough fruits and veggies. I am awesome.

9. I finished my book on the way to work this morning. It turns out that Virginia Woolf is kind of freaking awesome. I need to rent the movie version of Orlando ASAP.

10. I downgraded my Netflix membership (2 @ a time unlimited instead of 3 @ a time) and it took effect today. I am finding this traumatic. My queue is down to 229 discs, though.

A Wonderful Time Was Had By All

Remember how, when last we spoke, I was sitting on a bench outside of a bar sneaking pictures of unsuspecting passersby? Well, a short time later the unsuspecting birthday girl approached my ambush point. As you can tell, wherever she goes, she brings the party with her.
Fort Greene Power Couple. They move, they shake, they make things happen. Trust me when I say that you want to be in their orbit.
I would like to blame the photos I took in the bar on my lack of facility with the camera. While that played a part in the issue I would be remiss if I didn't mention that, without ever realizing it, I ended up drinking 3 vodkas over which someone had gingerly waved a lightly squeezed cranberry. Frank's is all about the bang for your buck. They are not, however, all about the viewable photos. You'll have to take my word for it that Amy looked lovely.

We moved on. We had to. We needed protein and starch and light! (See how those things haven't entirely corrected my photography problem? Let's just say it was a good party.) (Oh, and let's also say that this is a picture of Baly and I hate that it's not clearer since she was an awesome unsuspecting portraiture subject.)

Mere minutes before our change of venue Kath leaned over to me and spoke a sentence that had the following words in it: go, smoke, joint. This led to a foolishly long conversation where I talked about how I'd only inhaled three times in my life (true story, actually) and whereas I thought it was all fine for other people it just wasn't for me, I'm not good at it, blah, blah, blah, fishcakes.

By the way, the restaurant across the street from the bar is a BBQ place called The Smoke Joint. Poor girl wanted some food and I was giving her my damn life story!

Fortunately she forgave me and with the help of my new best friend, Chris, the manager of The Smoke Joint, we ended up with their auxiliary dining room all to ourselves, delicious food and free dessert. If I'd been a little drunker (I did say, "Chris, we have a birthday girl here and she needs protein, STAT!" so I was not at my smoothest.) I might have kissed him on the mouth. You know, if I could have taken time out from shoving things into my pie hole. (Actually it was a brownie he gave us but...brownie hole just doesn't sound right.)

The birthday girl was the picture of propriety and I think I wouldn't be out of line to speak for everyone and say we had a glorious time from start to finish. I think we should celebrate her birthday every week! This week I'm getting the mac and cheese!

Answering the Door

Kath had a birthday last week and thank goodness she did!
We all gathered at a seriously old school joint for cocktails and conversation but for some reason, despite a pretty busy day, I arrived strangely early.
I sat down on a bench outside the bar, which happens to be on a busy intersection, and got out my book. About a sentence in I realized that I was completely missing an opportunity.
I've been bellyaching and whining and waiting on pins and needles for the time to be able to just sit inconspicuously at busy intersections and take some photos. Here I was, sitting at a busy intersection and my first impulse was to read my book?

So I put my book away and got out my camera and this is what I saw.

One (Or So) For the Road

ProfDoc is probably asleep by now since she's teaching tomorrow.

But I thought....
...it would be a good idea to send her off into the new year on a....

hot note.
What do you think?
Are you warming up yet?
I thought so.

Bana Birthday By Request

The Birthday Doc has requested a subject. We love when that happens. Makes it so much easier to please the honoree.
Eric Bana warns you not to mess with the Birthday Girl or he will put on his enormous, manly bracelets and have a private talk with you. (We acknowledge that this might be an enticement to bad behavior for some but Gladiator Bana made the rules so we leave him to sort out the specifics.)
He wants to see only smiles (example below) from the honoree today. He doesn't care what sort of tactics are required to get them.

Bittersweet Birthday Wishes

Heath says, "Don't be too serious on your birthday. Regal, sure, but serious? No thanks."

Heath says, "Go barefoot and let your hair down and have a good laugh. It's your birthday for the love of sheep!"
Heath gives the thumbs up to ProfDoc's birthday, he thinks she's a keeper.

For Prof Doc on Her Birthday

Since she's at work today I thought it would be nice to provide her with a little distraction.
Plus it'll act as a sort of teaser.
I hope her husband doesn't mind.
I mean, it's only for one night, Josh's schedule is murder, I couldn't get him to commit to anything longer.
(Totally joking, ProfDoc will get it, everyone else should please refrain from interpreting this as an effort to undermine the institution of marriage on an individual or a global level.)