Can't Fight This Feeling

Here I am begging for advice again.

I did something stupid at work. It's not really important what but I made one relatively big (but resolved) mistake in scheduling and it's possible that I made another one as well. I apologized for the for-sure one and we're better but it's a recurring (though infrequent) problem for me with this boss. I won't find out until tomorrow if I made the second mistake and it's killing me. I'm embarrassed and afraid and having all this panic/fight or flight response of the kind where you need to pinch yourself to get your brain out of it and that is making it hard for me to do anything here at home since I'm expending all this energy kicking myself.

I'm having some success with looking at the worst case scenarios like being yelled at or being sanctioned or even being fired (all pretty unlikely). I mean, none of those things is the end of the world. Some are scary as all get out but not world ending. It also helps to remember that there are other people with far worse challenges today than being an idiot. And yet, I fear I'm going to have trouble sleeping, despite being so tired I could sleep for 3 days, and I can't escape the dread over finding out whether I made 2 mistakes or just the one.

How do you guys deal with that? If you're a boss how do you deal with employees who make multiple mistakes like this? Is it completely unrealistic for me to be thinking of running away to join the circus?

In other news I called the vet to check on Pickles and she's doing OK. A tech took her home to watch over her last night and she did well. There was some vomiting but that could be simply because she was starving and probably gorged herself when she was finally fed. She's too young to be tested for FIV and FELV so that's a wait and see thing. Kath is looking into adopting her but there are still some hoops to be jumped before that's decided. We have the OK to visit her, though, so no matter what happens I can probably go take some pics of her.

When I got home last night I found that my cats had broken a glass and somehow sprayed the tiniest bits over the entire living room. I have spent hours on my hands and knees trying to get the shards policed but I know I'll be finding that shit for months. I tell you, they're pretty good at justifying my decision not to keep a third cat, huh?

Re: the second bullet point here should I shoot the guy an e-mail? I'm nerdy and bookish and I have on occasion been classified as cute.

I'm feeling a little beaten tonight. Too much emotion, too much of that which is fucked up, too little space for transitioning and I need space.

This Is Why I Should Have a Point & Shoot Camera

How to explain my evening...

I wanted to start the Sustainability series with a story about Auntie Blanche but I was having trouble writing about it. Then I wrote other sustainability stuff anyway and other stuff about her and then tonight happened and it's the quintessential sustainability story and it cannot wait to be told.

I was heading home, as I usually do, crossing Flatbush Avenue (4 lanes, very crowded and lots of people going in lots of directions) and having to navigate stopped cars since the traffic cops weren't acknowledging the walk light. Approaching the other side of the street I saw 2 older ladies scolding some young men in a large truck. Since I'm not made of stone I looked back to see what the deal was.

My powers of description are OK but I don't know that I'm going to do this justice. Just work with me. You know how there are steps to get you into the cab of a semi? Lying lengthwise on the top step of this truck was a tank like an oxygen tank or a large fire extinguisher canister. It was attached to the rest of the truck with hoses so maybe it had to do with hydraulics, I don't know. Wedged underneath one of the short ends of the tank with only her face, one ear and a paw showing was a kitten. She was screaming bloody murder so it seemed like there was some urgency to getting her out.

I love living in Brooklyn where old school Brooklyn ladies make the world turn on their time schedule. They made those guys get out of the truck, they stopped 2 lanes of traffic and the forced a rescue effort. I went in and tried to coax the kitten out but she was super stuck. It looked like she had gone up underneath the steps then tried to get out between the step and the tank and gotten herself well and truly stuck. This all points to a litter of kittens born outside somewhere near where the truck was parked for a while. After a cursory try (with gloves! big work gloves the guy got specially out of the truck because kittens are scary) the guy turns to one lady and says, "It's stuck. We'll have to leave it."

Apparently he hasn't been in Brooklyn very long because that was so not an option. Yay Brooklyn Ladies!!!!!! I told them that if they just got the cat out I would take it but they had to get it out. So there we stood, gathering onlookers and traffic cops and a certain amount of panicked bile in my throat while the guys tried to figure out the problem. Finally they were able to pull the tank away from the step enough for the kitten to make a break for the 4 lanes of rush hour traffic. Its possible that I strained something screaming for them to stop the kitten right now! Fortunately one of the guys responded to my high pitched screeching and threw a sturdy work glove over it so it couldn't get away. (Yes she is small enough that did stop her.) I fairly snatched the kitten away from him, thanked them politely and speed walked in the opposite direction.

This kitten is maybe 5 weeks old at the outside. She's super cute, though covered in dust, and
she has a healthy set of lungs on her. She snuggled into my neck too so I didn't think she was injured but I couldn't take her home since I have fragile-healthed animals and I couldn't just bring her home without getting her checked out. My vet was a few blocks away so I went there as fast as I could walk with a screeching kitten and asked for help.

Helping is expensive.

Anyway, I told them my story and they said they were backed up and could I wait. Yes. They couldn't really take the cat. Did they know anyone who could? Blah blah blah. A few clients asked what was up so I told the story. One woman who was there with her daughter and their 2 cats who looked exactly like this kitten, (Pickles, I'm calling her Pickles since she got herself in suck a pickle) asked me if I would mind if she donated $25 toward the Pickles' care. Did I mind? Um, no, exactly how stupid do I look? The more I waited the more they tried to convince me to take Pickles home but I stuck to my guns. I also called a bunch of no kill shelters and got no help there either. So after calling a friend and ranting to her answering machine and asking if she wanted another cat I called Alex, who had offered me a ride, and decided to take my ride and my $25 to the emergency vet for a clean bill of health and figure out how to integrate Pickles' adventurous butt into my apartment when I got there.

Interestingly enough when I went back in and asked for my $25 I started to get some actual help. So she was looked at and deemed basically healthy though hugely stressed (shocker), so stressed that they couldn't test her for FIV or anything because they couldn't get any samples from her. They fed her, gave her water and I was then allowed to make the decision whether or not to surrender her ($150) or keep her. I made the, supposedly, smart decision and surrendered her, paying $125 to go along with the money donated by the awesome lady and signing away all my rights to Miss Pickles. Even though I knew it was the right thing to do I felt like a total heel.

Alex took me home and I walked my dog about 2 hours after her usual time, poor girl. As we walked Kath called and wanted to hear the story from the horse's mouth and (huzzah!) she's calling the vet and trying to adopt Pickles tomorrow. I hope she does because I didn't even have my camera with me and I have no pictures of the Pickle to show you and I hate that. Dude, she is cute as the proverbial button. I hope there'll be another chapter to this story and in the mean time please repeat the mantra with me: Please spay & neuter your pets, please spay and neuter your pets, please spay and neuter your pets...

More of the Loyal

OK, so I'm back in the city.

The part I prefer only to give the overview of is that Joe the Barber has had a massive stroke and isn't expected to live long. I was up north spending time with him and the family. If you ever find yourself in a similar situation I suggest you hire Joe's girls to help you because no one does this sort of thing with a better mix of compassion, practicality, humor and love.

Serendipitously I found out when I got up there that a. Auntie Blanche was the last person left in her nursing home, which is going out of business, and b. that she was moving on Friday. I was able to eat supper with her on her last night in the old place and visit her on her first two evenings in the new joint. She had a private room and a lot of autonomy in the old home, which was close to where she'd lived for about 40 years. She is on the list for an independent living spot in the new establishment (about a 20 minute drive from our home town) but has to wait until one becomes available. In the mean time she is in a semi-private room in the no independence at all section which is a huge step down for her. At 97 she still walks over half a mile a day, teaches piano and gallivants about the area wherever we will take her. The move was really hard and I was so glad I was able to be there.

It was, however, crushingly difficult to leave her there especially on the first night when she was so unhappy. At the door I started to cry and so did she but when she saw me she rallied and said, "Oh, I'll be OK." I'm sure she will, she can do anything, but she deserves so much better than OK.

Chasing The Merry-Go-Round

This beauty was waiting for his boy to get off the carousel on the mall in DC. When the father brought the boy back he hung the kid upside down in front of the lab so there could be some sort of confirmation that this was the right kid. Since the lab licked the whole face squeaky clean I'm guessing he brought back the right one.

I'm heading back to the city today. Think good weather and good driving thoughts.

Oh, and have a lovely Sunday.

Fuzzy Wuzzy Wuz a Bear

Haven't done one of these in a while. Do I look thinner in the ceiling of the elevator?

I think I look like I have big long spidery fingers but I like that.

It's chilly up here. Only 38 when I walked the dog before 7 this morning. Still pretty, though. Pictures to come but not for a while I think.

What are you up to this weekend?

Reaching Higher and Higher

Don't worry, y'all, I'm OK. It's just really not my story to tell so I'm not going to go into it here. Just tired, working hard up here for a good, good cause. A couple of them actually.

In the mean time here's a lovely picture of some cool dads in Fort Greene Park. The day is just as pretty here now as it was in this picture a couple of weeks ago.

Hope you're enjoying your Friday to the fullest.

After Balzac

The trip to DC last week was a delight. It was a real breath of fresh air and it was so much easier on mind, body and wallet to do it by bus. In some ways I wish we'd had more time but in others it was plenty. By the time 4:45 rolled around and we needed to be heading back toward the bus our dogs were tired. And our feet too! (And the funny just keeps on coming.)

Our second stop on this hit parade was the sculpture garden. Much of it was blocked off for construction but this was our first view as we descended into the garden and probably my favorite piece of art the entire day.

There are more pictures and stories to come but I thought we could just do a little at a time.

Hope you're having a lovely weekend.

The Anniversary of the Birth

Here's what you were going to get at noon, before plans changed:

Today marks the anniversary of the birth of a famous and well-known writer.

My cousin, Mike.

By chance it's also the birthday of another famous writer. Bill Something or other. So, I should probably put out some fancy words, right? I'll give you some of Cole Porter's. They're safe for work and all but dude, Cole was kind of racy.

BRUSH UP YOUR SHAKESPEARE
From "Kiss Me Kate"


The girls today in society go for classical poetry
So to win their hearts one must quote with ease
Aeschylus and Euripides
One must know Homer, and believe me, Beau
Sophocles, also Sappho-ho
Unless you know Shelley and Keats and Pope
Dainty Debbies will call you a dope

But the poet of them all
Who will start 'em simply ravin'
Is the poet people call
The Bard of Stratford on Avon

{Refrain}
Brush up your Shakespeare
Start quoting him now
Brush up your Shakespeare
And the women you will wow

Just declaim a few lines from Othella
And they'll think you're a hell of a fella
If your blonde won't respond when you flatter 'er
Tell her what Tony told Cleopatterer

If she fights when her clothes you are mussing
What are clothes?  Much ado about nussing
Brush up your Shakespeare
And they'll all kow-tow

{Refrain}

With the wife of the British ambassida
Try a crack out of Troilus and Cressida
If she says she won't buy it or like it
Make her tike it, what's more As You Like It

If she says your behavior is heinous
Kick her right in the Coriolanus
Brush up your Shakespeare
And they'll all kow-tow

{Refrain}

If you can't be a ham and do Hamlet
They will not give a damn or a damlet
Just recite an occasional sonnet
And your lap'll have honey upon it

When your baby is pleading for pleasure
Let her sample your Measure for Measure
Brush up your Shakespeare
And they'll all kow-tow - Forsooth
And they'll all kow-tow
And they'll all kow-tow

{Refrain}

Better mention "The Merchant Of Venice"
When her sweet pound o' flesh you would menace
If her virtue, at first, she defends---well
Just remind her that "All's Well That Ends Well"

And if still she won't give you a bonus
You know what Venus got from Adonis
Brush up your Shakespeare
And they'll all kow-tow - Thinkst thou?
And they'll all kow-tow - Odds bodkins
And they'll all kow-tow

{Refrain}

If your goil is a Washington Heights dream
Treat the kid to "A Midsummer Night's Dream"
If she then wants an all-by-herself night
Let her rest ev'ry 'leventh or "Twelfth Night"

If because of your heat she gets huffy
Simply play on and "Lay on, Macduffy!"
Brush up your Shakespeare
And they'll all kow-tow - Forsooth
And they'll all kow-tow - Thinkst thou?
And they'll all kow-tow - We trou'
And they'll all kow-tow

Photo Credit

Driving Home

I'm driving north for a few days. Posts will likely be sporadic at best. Be well.

Oh The Face

What I said: Hey, could you please pass me my purple sweatshirt?

His thoughtchoosaid: Hey, could you please pass me my pitbull sweatshirt?

Yes, I'm a modern-day, urban, extremely casual Cruella DeVille. I like all the warmth and cuddliness of a dog without any of the mess and fuss.


*Don't worry, this sweet girl is well cared for by one of the local dog walkers. He doesn't seem to let her come inside Who's Your Doggy, though. She was just waiting for him to return (in full view of the store's window).

Lipstickery

This is a building near my office. If the rumors are true, by July 1st we won't be so near since we're supposed to be moving. The people who run this office are all about the moving. I hate moving.

Moving on.

Heh.

I believe this building is called The Lipstick Building. It doesn't look all that much like a tube of lipstick to me. What do you think? Kitty is our resident architect, I'm hoping she'll have some expert insight for us.

It's kind of cool looking, whatever it is.

Close The Heck Up

I'm not feeling the 10 Things Tuesday inspiration today. You know what I sometimes like to do when I'm not feeling something? I do it anyway. I'm from New England, it's sort of how we roll. When you're done you're either finally feeling it or at least your done.

Yeah, it's not a perfect system.

I'm also not feeling these photos because I accidentally uploaded them uncentered and they're weird but I'm not going to go back and redo it so I think it goes with my non-theme.


Just 10 Things on a Tuesday

1. Embiggen that photo of Elvis cleaning himself to check out the damage he's done to his legs. What the camera can't capture are the scabs and bumps from the constant licking and biting. I am trying everything and we've yet to hit the magic combo.

2. If you're every ready to try anything holistic to help a pet go to this place and talk to Phil. Phil is nuts in an awesome way.

3. For the past couple of days it's looked really nice out but been sort of chilly. I hate it when the weather does an Eddie Murphy routine on you. (Wanna lick? Psyche!)

4. Oh, this is important and I keep forgetting to say it. Yes, Auntie and Chili and whoever else, you can absolutely get the ProfDoc treatment for your birthday but you must give me direction and you must be willing to sacrifice. Keep in mind that she got that treatment because she STILL hasn't received a tangible gift for her birthday that was a week ago and that she and I have a friendship built on a firm foundation of pop culture. We talk about who we find hot in a celeb context nearly every day and we've known each other about a decade so I had a lot to work with. For instance Auntie, I only know Tina Cervasio and I don't think I can do a whole day on her, as attractive and intriguing as she is, so give me a few more ideas or even a general "type" (Audio Girl for instance would get a whole day of dark-skinned, dark-haired beauties) to work with. I am more than happy to accommodate specific requests.

5. I found my birthday book last night (A 1996 Vermont day planner with everyone's birthdays in it.) and have entered everyone's birthdays into my calendar which I now know how to sync with my iPod (whoopee!). Well, everyone with whose birthday I was familiar as of 1999 at least. If you came on the scene after that you might be better off updating me. Now I've found the book I can update it when you do.

6. I'm only on six. This could be because I'm not doing much lately.

7. This weight maintenance thing is hard. At least as hard as advertised.

8. I'm getting a kick out of filling in all the squares for daily essentials like water and dairy and veggies, though. Yesterday I got the smiley face for eating enough fruits and veggies. I am awesome.

9. I finished my book on the way to work this morning. It turns out that Virginia Woolf is kind of freaking awesome. I need to rent the movie version of Orlando ASAP.

10. I downgraded my Netflix membership (2 @ a time unlimited instead of 3 @ a time) and it took effect today. I am finding this traumatic. My queue is down to 229 discs, though.

Alexander's Steed

I would like to introduce you to Bucephalus. He's less than a year old and he's spent almost all of that time in a pet store (liars! when was the last time you saw a pit bull in a pet store?) and then a shelter. He chews stuff. Kind of a lot. But other than that he seems like basically the perfect dog. At 9 months old he walks on the leash like a dream and doesn't freak out when someone comes to the door and he listens when other dogs tell him to quit whatever sweet submissive behavior he's engaging in. When he oh-so-gently licked my hand I think I fell in love.

Sock It To Me

There is a pick up game of soccer in the park near my house almost every day. As you can see it draws quite the crowd of spectators. Do you like the new police scooters the city gave our precinct? I think it's to make up for the fact that they've tasked the majority of the officers to the mall instead of, you know, everywhere else where the actual crime is.
I say almost because this Sunday the cricketers got to the field before the soccer players. You should have seen the bewildered soccer players standing on the edge of the pitch wondering what to do. I've always wanted to take action shots of sports and I'm really lucky to have so many free options just waiting down the block for me.

Yeah, I got nothing much else tonight. Still filled with rage. Still deciding what to do about it. Working on posting the nearly 200 photos I took in DC! Stay tuned, there'll either be pretty pictures or a great story about how hard I punched someone. Hey, maybe both!

Happy Monday y'all.

Fire Break

Last week sometime, or maybe the week before, I can't remember, there was hoopla at my house. I walked in after work and all was quiet. There was a woman in the lobby with her kids and she was on her phone but not speaking. She opened the door for me but didn't speak to me either. Five minutes later when I walked out with the dog the entire street was lined with fire trucks and the courtyard was jam packed with more firefighters than you could shake a flaming stick at. A few of them were talking to the woman who hadn't spoken to me but I couldn't hear what they were saying. On the sidewalk, which was filled with even more of NY's Bravest, a handsome young man called the dog over. Since I was on the other end of her leash I went with her.

Me: Should I go back in and get the cats?

Him: No.

So I didn't.

All For A Little Baldsug

I had no idea that Baldsug was reading over here until a whole season of Blackadder showed up from Amazon for me. What a guy, huh? He sees a gap in my knowledge and he sets about to fix it right away.

In honor of Passover and funny (2 things that Baldsug likes) I scrambled to take a picture of this Mitzvah tank on Flatbush Avenue last week. What I'm really sorry I missed was a shot of the little boy eating cookies and staring out the screen window in the side.

If you've never seen a Mitzvah tank before they're huge RVs that play loud (klezmer?) music from speakers on their tops and go around...ok I'm not totally sure. I think they're helping Jewish people to be more observant by suggesting where they can go to services and things like that. Sometimes you'll be walking along and see a whole fleet of them speeding down the avenue, it's very cool.

Sesame Street Dogs

While I was out gallivanting in our nation's capital Miss Emily was hanging out with the Sesame Street dogs (BIG, little, BIG, little). That's Portia on the top, she is completely blind now after a congenital problem took her corneas, I think it was. My beloved Tallulah Belle (I'm not into the smaller breeds but Tulie is a dog of my heart, she speaks to me) is coming at us below and her more sedate (but much more dangerous) sister, Katie.

Our friend who rescued these three (SUSTAINABILITY y'all! Newf rescue for one and rescues direct from two neglectful homes for the cockers) recently got married. Emily knows the hubs, sure, but he hasn't been around too long so my friend wasn't sure that she'd give a crap about him yet. Well, yesterday, both adults and all four dogs were out. Mr. left them on one side of the street so he could run an errand across the way and Emily wigged, ears down, tail tucked and brow furrowed. She does not like it when you break up the damn pack! Why do we people never learn this? She knows he belongs and she doesn't know why he has the audacity to leave the safety of the group.

She's a good egg, my dog. We could all learn a thing or two about love and loyalty from her.

Me At 125

I had the courage to weigh in again this morning and I'm still at 125. So, I did all the changes on the web site (pushed one button) and I'm officially on the maintenance plan. None too soon, either, because when I recorded my weight the last time I didn't notice that it is in fact possible to have fewer than 20 points per day allotted to you and I had been knocked down to 18. (NOOOOOOOOOO!) I feel better than ever about choosing this particular goal weight because 18 points a day is no way to live.

So, anyway, here I am at my goal, still paying for the service while I see if I can make this stick. How long until I'm going to feel it's safe to buy new pants I wonder. 'Cause at some point it's probably going to make sense to have clothes that fit.

Of Passover and Gentrification

The day was delightful. More on that later.

As you may remember, last summer was another exciting chapter in the saga of living right above the benches in our courtyard. The group of spirited young men who uses those benches as their clubhouse had an active season of...debate and I had to cut salt entirely out of my diet so that blood wouldn't geyser out of my eyeballs every time I tried to go to sleep just as they were gaveling in a new session.

Tonight as I strolled in from my day of fun and frolicking I found a new club was having their inaugural session. Instead of jeans and sports paraphernalia they're wearing baby doll dresses and izods. Instead of Colt 45 in the bottle, they're serving merlot (or perhaps a nice shirazz) in glasses the size of mixing bowls.

What hasn't changed is the boisterous conversation and the clouds of smoke wafting up toward my window.

Oh it's going to be a good summer, don't you think?

Good Passover to y'all. I hope you're eating good food and hanging out with good people.

Impromptu

In the immortal words of Tina Fey, "Goodnight and have a pleasant tomorrow."
May visions of off the cuff jazz concerts attended by chubbins dance in your head.

Fucking Floral Friday 2: Electric Boogaloo

Gratitude to Chili for reminding me to keep up with the new theme for Fridays. Taken in Fort Greene Park last week sometime.

As for the shit I need to get done today, I've already been to class, done some writing, bought snacks for tomorrow and I'm about to go do some laundry then take the dog for a nice park walk since this gorgeous day should not be wasted and then come home and do some more writing, empty out my camera's memory card and get showered for tomorrow. We have settled on indulging in a car service for a 6:45 departure in the am.

I'm tired just thinking about it. Time to stop thinking and just do.

Bring on the Heat

Guess where I'm going tomorrow.

It's going to be almost 80 even here today and, while I'm now petrified of the sun, I can't wait. A day trip, by bus so pretty relaxed once I get up at the crack of dawn and make sure they let me on the bus.

I can't stop saying this, forgive me if it's a repeat, 2 people, round trip $16.50. That's $8.25 each. Totally serious. On Sunday I'll tell you if it was worth it.

Prepare yourself for a zillion pictures!

Nothing Says Goal Like Free Fro Yo

I decided to treat myself to a Tasti D at lunch today. It was a glorious nearly summery day and I deserved a little something. I had two of those Buy 10 Get 1 Free punch cards from 2 different franchises but I couldn't figure out which one corresponded to the location I was in. I handed them both to the guy and tried to explain that I didn't know which one he should punch. I said they were from last year (totally true, by the way) so I knew they looked different than their new ones. He took both the cards and handed me a new one. Then I tried to pay, I thought they'd expired or something. When the cashier looked at me the server dude was all, "She's free! She's free! She's free!!!!"

Oh, cool. Thanks!

What Are Your Legs? Springs!

This is the pooch all hyped up on adrenaline. She still insists on stalking other dogs and pretending she's hiding in the tall grass waiting to spring on them. I wish I knew how to stop it. But, these are just funny pictures to look at while I ask a question.
If, for instance, hypothetically, I were planning to donate one of my photographs (printed and matted suitably for framing) to a silent auction for my beloved BAX, would that seem like a half decent idea to you? Would people bid on something I'd snapped? Follow up question: Which one? (Please, I beg you, browse the Flickr stream a bit and throw out some options if you think this is a good idea.)

You could donate something to the silent auction, too, if you're so inclined (kids' party entertainment, art, craft, extra limb...). Ask me how.

On the Scales of a Dilemma

I need some advice here. I thought I would ask just the Weight Watchers enthusiasts but really I'd love to have everyone weigh in...so to speak.

Keep in mind that my regular weigh-in day is Monday. I had a bad day on Monday and I didn't record my weight. Abusing the privileges of the online only membership? Why yes I am!

Today I did a cheater weigh-in and I HIT THE GOAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 125 baby. Long. Time. Coming.

Do I record this now since I didn't record anything on Monday (127, btw, couldn't fricking face it)? Or do I have to carefully maintain this until next Monday before I record it? Seems like the latter is more honest and smart and safe. But man, I'm so freaking happy to see that number I want to tell the whole fracking world.

Hey, look at that, I just did.

Watch Where You're Headed

I am full of anger and resentment and sadness and I'd planned to vent a lot of that here tonight but then I had a change of heart. Make no mistake, I still have all of those feelings right up to my brim but three things happened to me, small things, that made me feel good so I decided to use this space for those instead. Just call me Miss Mary Sunshine.

This morning, as sometimes happens, I ran into some friends and their dogs on my way to work. Their newer dog, a young buck, is...a handful. They're having trouble getting him to feel secure and calm enough to handle all the stimulation of the city. I luuuurve him, though. I love all the troublemakers. I desperately want to love on him so I want him to get all shaped up so he's allowed to interact with the general public. Lately when we all meet up they let me act as a test subject for whatever training lesson they're working on. This morning he was tied up to the fence and we waited for him to calm down before I was allowed to approach. I approached slowly so I could move out of his reach if his behavior ramped up before he could jump so we could avoid all unwanted behavior. He sniffed my hand and we backed and forthed maybe once before I could go right in to him and give him all over body scritches with no bad behavior and we could all love on him. Oh and love we did. The dog didn't know what to think. His ears went down in that confused but pleased way dogs have and he turned so I could get to a haunch then he gave me the full on lean. Almost tipped me right over and I loved it.

Audio Girl and I sit back to back in a very small office. We often start talking to the other person and get no response at all or begin responding to something being said only to find out it's being said to a third party who is on the phone. Headsets = useful but confusing. Today, out of nowhere, she piped up, "I've revised my view on heating things in plastic." Months ago, maybe as much as a year, my mother sent me an extremely alarmist e-mail to NEVER EVER EVER heat anything in a plastic container or I would keel over immediately from a very fast acting CANCER!!!! In cases like that I usually go in the opposite direction because I can't handle having all that emotion flung at me. This time I also asked Audio Girl for her opinion since she keeps up on stuff like this. At the time she didn't think it was so serious but now, a long while later, she'd kept it in her mind, she'd read things here and there and when she had a rethink she just shared it with me because she remembered and she wanted to keep me current. It made me feel heard in a really nice way.

On the way home from our evening walk Em and I intersected with a mother walk-running to keep up with her 4-5 year old daughter who was riding a 2 wheeler with training wheels well but with a high level of required supervision. They were also having a conversation:

Mother: We will get another rottweiler but there will never be another Ja.

Me: That is so sad. Very true but so sad.

M: (smiles at me apologetically)

Daughter: (unintelligible)

M: Ja is gone. Do you understand that? He's never coming back.

D: Will we call the new dog Ja?

M: No, we'll think of a new name.

D: What name?

M: I don't know, we'll have to see when we get the dog.

And right then, the mother looked ahead to check the field and the daughter was looking up at her to hear her response and her mother and I realized just a moment too late that she was headed straight for the fence.

In that moment it was hysterically funny. John Ritter would have been proud of this girl. She hit nearly head on, tipped the bike over and flopped like a fish with her bicycle to the cement.

The minute she hit the ground and started to wail it was not funny at all, not even a little. She wasn't hurt, not even a seriously skinned knee I don't think. She was rattled though and, if her furiously stomping feet were any indication she was mad, mad, mad as a hornet.

Despite the tragic ending the whole exchange warmed me up. I can't wait to meet the new (but absolutely not the same) Ja.

*Photo from this registry for rottweiler rescue if you're interested in getting one for yourself.

A Wonderful Time Was Had By All

Remember how, when last we spoke, I was sitting on a bench outside of a bar sneaking pictures of unsuspecting passersby? Well, a short time later the unsuspecting birthday girl approached my ambush point. As you can tell, wherever she goes, she brings the party with her.
Fort Greene Power Couple. They move, they shake, they make things happen. Trust me when I say that you want to be in their orbit.
I would like to blame the photos I took in the bar on my lack of facility with the camera. While that played a part in the issue I would be remiss if I didn't mention that, without ever realizing it, I ended up drinking 3 vodkas over which someone had gingerly waved a lightly squeezed cranberry. Frank's is all about the bang for your buck. They are not, however, all about the viewable photos. You'll have to take my word for it that Amy looked lovely.

We moved on. We had to. We needed protein and starch and light! (See how those things haven't entirely corrected my photography problem? Let's just say it was a good party.) (Oh, and let's also say that this is a picture of Baly and I hate that it's not clearer since she was an awesome unsuspecting portraiture subject.)

Mere minutes before our change of venue Kath leaned over to me and spoke a sentence that had the following words in it: go, smoke, joint. This led to a foolishly long conversation where I talked about how I'd only inhaled three times in my life (true story, actually) and whereas I thought it was all fine for other people it just wasn't for me, I'm not good at it, blah, blah, blah, fishcakes.

By the way, the restaurant across the street from the bar is a BBQ place called The Smoke Joint. Poor girl wanted some food and I was giving her my damn life story!

Fortunately she forgave me and with the help of my new best friend, Chris, the manager of The Smoke Joint, we ended up with their auxiliary dining room all to ourselves, delicious food and free dessert. If I'd been a little drunker (I did say, "Chris, we have a birthday girl here and she needs protein, STAT!" so I was not at my smoothest.) I might have kissed him on the mouth. You know, if I could have taken time out from shoving things into my pie hole. (Actually it was a brownie he gave us but...brownie hole just doesn't sound right.)

The birthday girl was the picture of propriety and I think I wouldn't be out of line to speak for everyone and say we had a glorious time from start to finish. I think we should celebrate her birthday every week! This week I'm getting the mac and cheese!

Answering the Door

Kath had a birthday last week and thank goodness she did!
We all gathered at a seriously old school joint for cocktails and conversation but for some reason, despite a pretty busy day, I arrived strangely early.
I sat down on a bench outside the bar, which happens to be on a busy intersection, and got out my book. About a sentence in I realized that I was completely missing an opportunity.
I've been bellyaching and whining and waiting on pins and needles for the time to be able to just sit inconspicuously at busy intersections and take some photos. Here I was, sitting at a busy intersection and my first impulse was to read my book?

So I put my book away and got out my camera and this is what I saw.

Giving Direction

Due to some new commenters and the regular hoopla round and about the portion of internet that I frequent and my general feeling about my writing lately I have to give the speech again. If you've heard (really heard) the speech before you can just look at the pretty pictures. My favorite is this second one. It's got attitude.
Speech: The magic of the internet is that if you don't like what you read here (or anywhere) you can go elsewhere. If you disagree or you aren't interested or it makes you feel uncomfortable then you should absolutely not be here. In fact I respectfully ask that you go [redacted] away.

Moving on...

10 Allergic Things

1. I already take meds for my allergies, it's a nose spray. The effects are cumulative or something so you have to take it every day no matter what. I do.

2. I don't take a pill or anything systemic because my apartment is extremely dry and I already have health consequences from that so using a systemic decongestant just ramps up all those other problems. If you don't believe me search the archives for some combination of "blood," "nose" and "late to work."

3. This morning I was spurred out of bed by sinus pain and pressure. Yesterday I was spurred out of bed by the infernal itching of my flaking and peeling shins (See above re: dryness and consequences).

4. Apparently the last 48 hours have brought the tree pollen to a new level that triggers my bad reactions.

5. I've taken action on my/realized that I had allergies for about three years.

6. I'm pretty sure I had allergies for about a decade before that but didn't realize what the symptoms indicated.

7. I had my eyes checked because I thought I had glaucoma. Turns out it was just all that sinus pressure from the allergies.

8. Are there any homeopathic decongestants?

9. Well, besides alcohol?

10. What are you allergic to?

10 Things Taxes

1. I'm getting money back from the feds.

2. I have to pay the state.

3. I could have sent that payment in on Friday had the postal worker not delivered it to an old lady in the building around the corner.

4. A big thank you to the old lady around the corner for getting her friend/my next door neighbor to bring my tax packet to me.

5. Too bad she delivered it after 9:30 last night.

6. Yes, I had a back up plan.

7. My federal economic stimulus check (should it be in the full amount) will just about cover the state payment and the payment to the state (stupid state). The above is probably not what the government wants me to do with that check. Not very economically stimulating.

8. I'm trying to get out of the house early this morning in the hopes that I can find an accommodating PO.

9. I am following the annual plan of carefully filing all my receipts for the month after getting my taxes done. I give it to perhaps mid-May.

10. How many of you are going to comment that I should have done my taxes earlier? Don't do that. It's not polite.

One (Or So) For the Road

ProfDoc is probably asleep by now since she's teaching tomorrow.

But I thought....
...it would be a good idea to send her off into the new year on a....

hot note.
What do you think?
Are you warming up yet?
I thought so.

Bana Birthday By Request

The Birthday Doc has requested a subject. We love when that happens. Makes it so much easier to please the honoree.
Eric Bana warns you not to mess with the Birthday Girl or he will put on his enormous, manly bracelets and have a private talk with you. (We acknowledge that this might be an enticement to bad behavior for some but Gladiator Bana made the rules so we leave him to sort out the specifics.)
He wants to see only smiles (example below) from the honoree today. He doesn't care what sort of tactics are required to get them.

Bittersweet Birthday Wishes

Heath says, "Don't be too serious on your birthday. Regal, sure, but serious? No thanks."

Heath says, "Go barefoot and let your hair down and have a good laugh. It's your birthday for the love of sheep!"
Heath gives the thumbs up to ProfDoc's birthday, he thinks she's a keeper.

For Prof Doc on Her Birthday

Since she's at work today I thought it would be nice to provide her with a little distraction.
Plus it'll act as a sort of teaser.
I hope her husband doesn't mind.
I mean, it's only for one night, Josh's schedule is murder, I couldn't get him to commit to anything longer.
(Totally joking, ProfDoc will get it, everyone else should please refrain from interpreting this as an effort to undermine the institution of marriage on an individual or a global level.)

At The Ready

I would like to spend a whole day at this fire house near my office just taking pictures. There's always something going on even when there's nothing going on, as pictured at left. No wasted space or effort in a fire house, things are always ready for next time and whatever it may bring.

It's much more interesting than the police station next door. I'm sure that the police are doing a fine job as well but they don't have their garage doors open half the time.

Pretty Pretty Death

For years I kept getting sick in the spring. I hated getting through flu season and then getting nabbed with a late season bout of it. It happened every year, no matter what I did.

People suggested that I had allergies but I'd never had them so how could this be possible? I mentioned this to my dad.

Apparently dad has had tree allergies since he was in his thirties. Some years they're so bad he has to sleep sitting up.

For weeks I've been taking pictures of all the beautiful bud on the trees and admiring them while I try to shake this ongoing low level cold.


I finally realized the other day that it's not a cold at all, these pictures are of pretty, pretty death.

Getting a Witness

Here's a religious post for a Sunday. What the hell is up with Jehovah's Witnesses? Who decided that this was a good idea? Do they ever get anyone to convert this way? If they do who is it? What sort of person gets interrupted while cleaning the tub, opens the door, allows themselves to be lectured to for 45 minutes by children and grandmothers and decides, "Why yes, I would like to come to church with you this afternoon, let me just change my clothes" ?

I had heard the term before I moved to New York. Actually I went to school for a few years with a guy who was a witness, well his family anyway. They didn't come around very often out there in the boonies, though. Here, they're around all the time. They came to my last apartment every Saturday morning like clockwork. My favorite thing to do was to come home with the dog while they were ringing everyone's bells and and watch them try to scatter since they were petrified of Em but were unable to because the door is in sort of a well. I suppose that's utterly against the principles of Christianity but after having the dog jacked up by the doorbell for a dozen Saturdays in a row I felt justified. That's probably how the Crusades got started.

Where I am now there's a guard booth so no one can really just wander up. I've had one neighbor who tried me a few weeks ago. She still says hello to me in the courtyard even though I shut the door in her face. Funny, though, for the most part they stay away from the people close to their buildings. Pony Express lives on the same street as a Witness church and she never gets the Saturday morning doorbell. This means they have to know that they're annoying, right? And that it's not a smart conversion ploy?

Ours is not to reason why...

All Manner of Wrong

It's wrong, during a very serious movie, to watch a bloody, violent, naked knife fight and think, "Wow, he really does have the nicest ass."

Right?

When they said it was a gory, difficult movie they were not kidding. Not even a little bit. Still, it's interesting. Take that with the knowledge that The Godfather is one of my top 5 favorite movies of all time, though.

Patiently Waiting

These kids here are perfectly happy to wait staring at the pretty, shiny fire trucks. Their teachers, well, not so much. In the short time it took me to walk by and snap a couple of shots there was much huffing and sighing and careful arranging of hands on hips.

I've been talking to a friend about the experience of waiting. I have, like, a PhD in waiting, administered by my parents and whoever is in charge of that intricate magic known as genetics. It's a skill but, really, I think some of us just have the gene for it.

What are you waiting for?

I asked that and now I think I'm too embarrassed to answer. Yikes! You go go first, please.

Furiously Following Friends

Saintseester has declared today "Fucking Floral Friday." I can do that with one lens tied behind my back.

I think these are bluebells. Whatever they are they make me think of my great grandmother. I think she must have had them in her garden. She loved to garden.

Safety Dance

One of the first things I was taught when I was being trained to be a stage manager was to keep my notebook on the show constantly up to date "in case [I got] hit by a bus." We tossed that possibility around casually and I use the phrase to this day to describe things I do just in case.

Lately, you may remember, there's been some excitement here in New York over a Crane. The last 2 weeks have been all about airplane safety and crash prevention. So as I was walking around the Village last weekend I saw this crane (at left) balanced atop a half done over priced condo complex and hanging out over the very busy expanse of Third Avenue.

You know, we imperil ourselves every day. It's true, we could get hit by a bus or hit a patch of black ice or have an aneurysm or whatever. Sometimes we try to keep ourselves safe by walking on the other side of the street or having regular check ups or insisting we fly on certain types of aircraft. The truth is, though, there ain't nothing we can do.

What's the most dangerous thing you're going to do today? Are you thinking twice about it now?

I'm going to ride a subway underground for a really long time then walk under some scaffolding to get to my dance class. The underground stuff I'm just going to try really hard not to think about but I'm not even close to rethinking the plan.

I Can't Even Explain This

I have to send you away to 2 places and then ask you to come back here and tell me what you think. I'm linking to a relatively cryptic post by Evany then you have to hit the link in that post and see what this guy, Dave Horvitz, is doing. I think it's sort of brilliant and endlessly weird and I have this urge to participate but I feel like the rest of the world is looking back and saying, "That's stupid." Anyone who knows me knows that I'm certainly not above stupid (examples too endless to list, feel free to insert your favorites in the comments) so the real question is, which one do I buy?!?!?!?!

Suggestions and offers to go in on projects together are greatly appreciated.

Loyalist

Another example of deep and abiding loyalty. Notice how wide the window is thrown open but that dog is going nowhere until his (her?) person come back. S/he only spared me a quick glance as I clicked away.

More of the 18

As predicted I thought of more weightless things after I hit publish. Since Chili professes to want to know them I figured I'd post them before I forgot them again.

*Get up and walk around after you eat something. I am having trouble doing this at lunch lately and find myself overeating. Walking around distracts your mouth from thinking about food and can potentially take you physically further from the food, so win-win.

*The walking around thing is part and parcel of another huge lesson about identifying your hunger. This is by far the hardest thing to stick to for me. You can be physically hungry and you can be mentally or emotionally hungry. Personally I think that the fact that losing weight means that you have to go hungry on one of those levels most of the time sucks huge donkey balls. I've worked really hard to learn the difference between the 2, though. You'd think it'd be pretty simple but when you really crave something or you feel really crappy about something that you usually soothe with food it's hard to tell. Now that I'm pretty good at telling the difference it's hard not to just give in. "Hey, look, you know! Reward yourself with a cupcake."

*I'm not a food snob. This is an excuse I hear from people a lot. They can't stand low fat foods or butter substitutes or store bought bread or whatever. I know the difference between gourmet foods and the processed crap and I do love butter and homemade bread and a really good cream sauce but I can get by with substitutes when I've got a purpose. Sure, I prefer cook n serve pudding made with whole milk but there's room in my life for pudding cups because it'd be harder to live entirely without dessert. The exception here is cheese. It's apparently a long term debate on Weight Watchers and there really is no substitute. So when you can budget real cheese you want to make sure it's the good stuff. Don't waste your points on a shitty cheese slice.

*Portion control. A healthy portion of something is so much less than you think it is. The amount of tuna a sandwich shop puts on your tuna on whole wheat is at least twice as much as you need for a meal. A half a chicken breast is perfectly workable for a meal when you put the right veggies with it. A cup of cereal is pretty small. The difference between whole, part and totally skim milk is a lot smaller than you think. I think part skim chocolate milk tastes like the wash water off a cow's udder so I have half a cup of whole milk chocolate before I leave the house every morning. It costs 2 points out of my 20 and it tastes good and it has enough protein to keep me going for a bit. Now stop reading and go see what half a cup of milk looks like. If you're an avid milk drinker you will be horrified.

*I only get 20 points a day (plus activity points so if I'm good I can top out at 24 points a day since you can only swap a maximum of 4 APs per day) and I am petrified of being hungry so I am extremely leery of eating more than 3 points at a time. I can convince myself of 4 but it's got to be a main meal. If I could work it out I'd eat 2 points at a time every hour or so all day long. 2 points isn't much. You can blow 2 points on a piece of chocolate. You can, though, get a fat free hot dog and a piece of double fiber bread for 2 points so it's possible. Lots of people recommend yummy meals that are 6-9 points. I can't do that. Perhaps those people have more points per day or perhaps they like eating more points at fewer times through the day. Mileage variance at its best.

OK, have to go now but I'll keep you posted if I think of more. (Is it cutting off the circulation to your legs the way you're sitting on the edge of your seat like that?)

Why Wouldn't I?

I just received an e-mail from Media Guy that included a recent exchange between him and Miflohny. It's so funny I'm waiting to pee until after I post it because I want you guys to have the laugh ASAP. This decision may be detrimental for my pants.

Media Guy: "KISS is canceling a concert in Serbia due to death threats."

Miflohny: "WHAT?!?"

MG: "KISS is canceling a concert in Serbia due to death threats."

Miflohny: "Why would Kizz be doing a concert in Serbia?" [ed. note: I especially like that she's focused on why I'd be doing a concert in Serbia not why anyone might threaten to kill me. Apparently that part is entirely plausible.]

MG: "Well, they travel around the world. Lots of rock bands do that."

Miflohny: "Rock bands? What?!?"

MG: "Yeah, the rock band? KISS?"

Miflohny: "Oh, KISS. I thought you meant KIZZ."

MG: "I don't think she's going to Serbia either."

I am not, sadly, going to Serbia. I could, though! I could do a rock concert in Serbia. I could go anywhere I want. Heck, if I time it right and other people experience the same "thoughtyousaid" that Miflohny did I might pack the house. You have no idea how many people end up at my little blog by googling "kizz" because they misread the rock band's font. I get at least 3 a day. I always feel bad for disappointing them.

Wow, I just realized that simply by posting this I'm going to raise that 3 per day exponentially.

Hey, are any of you in Serbia? If I come over there and do a rock concert will you come?

Also, can I sleep on your couch?

Feeling Programmed

A while ago Chili left this comment vis a vis The Year of Living Weightlessly:

"Two questions - one: do you think it'll ever stop feeling like a program (do you think you'll ever get to the point where you don't have to think about it anymore) and two: how was the movie [The Other Boleyn Girl]? I was kind of lukewarm about the book, and I'm wondering if I'd enjoy the film more."

I've been waiting to have some time to devote to answering the first question and it wasn't until I pasted the comment here just now that I realized I'd forgotten about the second question entirely. The movie is good, it's maybe a little slow but I didn't mind so much. It's not a pressing adventure sort of thing, it meanders at a period-appropriate pace to the inevitably sword vs. neck conclusion. I haven't read the book yet so I can't compare the two.

So now on to the weight loss program question which I've been thinking about and writing paragraphs in my head for since she wrote in. The short answer is "absolutely yes and positively no" to both halves of the question. The short answer, however, will never do. It's not a challenge with a short solution and that's what's at issue here.

Pretty much every time someone asks me about the weight loss the conversation goes like this:

"How did you lose the weight?"

"Actually I went with Weight Watchers."

(Dejectedly) "Oh."

I've learned to deliver my line as bad news since it's never what someone wants to hear. They want to hear that I had an injection or a lobotomy or a tape worm or absolutely anything that doesn't require more than a token amount of effort or thought on my part. I've actually had people grill me on the program and how I handle it and it's not until we've been about 10 minutes into it that it dawns on me that what they're fishing for is not how to get the program to work for them but to be convinced that it's OK that it will never work for them so they don't have to try it. I wish I were quicker on the uptake because if that's what someone really wants I can knock that out in one compound sentence.

"You know, it's probably not for you, which is fine, I think you look great!"

The first thing I'd say is that it doesn't ever become something you completely stop thinking about or get completely used to. It's a change in the way you think. If you were trying to learn a new language the same would be true. Sure, you'd eventually get to the point where you're thinking in Urdu not hearing, translating and speaking but it's still a second language, it's still a bit different but not so different it matters.

That being said, have you ever learned a language? How long did it take you to get to that point where you're already thinking in Farsi? You can learn the basic principles of the program in a week, hell, in a day if you want to go all intense. You can commit them to memory and be able to recite them like the Pledge of Allegiance. That is, however, only the tiniest portion of the battle. There's some rule of thumb that it takes 21 days to make a habit. I've found that to be true with things like writing every day or cleaning or putting disgusting crap on the trough in my forehead. The thing about food is that you're developing habits about all different kinds of food and all the different possible eating situations. You can probably develop a workable breakfast, lunch and dinner in 21 days but you're going to need 21 dinner invitations and 21 restaurant visits and 21 birthdays and 21 shitty days at work before you've made a habit out of how you deal with them. Which is to say that it's going to take more than 21 days to absorb this new way of eating and of looking at food into your brain and body. A lot more.

I did Weight Watchers online, I didn't go to the meetings but I did fill out the stupid little chart with the annoying listing of what I ate. I filled it in religiously every day for the first month and I filled it out religiously 6 days a week for at least 3 months after that before I could do the math of what I was eating in my head. Think of it like writing with good grammar, you have to actually know the rules, in your bones, before you can break them in a way that's innovative instead of ignorant. You know?

People want to hear my tricks for weight loss and, I gotta say, there aren't any real tricks but here are some things that worked for me. Your mileage will most certainly vary.

I don't mind being bored with what I eat. Once I found a combination of foods that added up to my daily points value I was OK with eating them over and over and over because it took the math out of it. It takes the thinking out of it as much as you can. As a result what I eat has changed at the speed of evolution. I now have a repertoire of a few dishes that I can mix and match like Garanimals.

I don't mind eating stuff that looks gross. One of my current favorite easy to make, easy to freeze, easy to bring to work meals is chicken, shallots, chicken broth, mashed up cauliflower and cut up carrots that have been crock potted on low for like 10 hours. Do you know what that does to food? It turns it all a uniform shade of brown and makes everything so mushy it looks like sludge. Zelda would call it slurry. You could not serve this to a child and expect even a bite of it to be eaten. Also, cauliflower is stinky.

I do my best to stay within my daily points 6 days a week and then one day a week I don't count my points at all, I just assume that I'll eat up my flex points for the week on that day. I'm generally aware of what I'm eating but I don't do the math. Usually this 7th day is one where I'm going to someone's house for dinner or going out to dinner or have a drinks meeting. Restaurant food is really hard to count so I'd basically tighten the belt all week, tighten it some more on the day of and then make a smart but indulgent selection in the evening. (N.B. I did religiously count restaurant and friend-prepared food for at least the first month.)

I really didn't want to be that chick who talks about her weight loss program every second of every day to anyone who will listen. Turns out it's inevitable to be this chick to some extent. I do consciously make an effort to shut the hell up. Some days I'm more successful than others. However, talking about it often got me a huge amount of help and encouragement so not talking about it at all is stupid, too.

Best advice I was ever given was during the 2nd week or so when I was hungry all the time and I was so hungry and so frustrated that I was petrified to eat anything at all so I e-mailed a friend who has worked the program at different levels for years. Her wife e-mailed me right back. "DO NOT GO HUNGRY! THAT WILL NOT HELP. Go to your pantry and eat all the 0 and 1 point vegetables you can stand. Wait 10 minutes and if you're still hungry do it again. You're trying to make the bulk of your diet, the things that fill you up, vegetables instead of proteins or starches." Some people eat a bunch of veggies at the start of a meal so they'll have less room for the higher point stuff. I keep this info in mind every day as a beacon, "As god is my witness, I'll nevah go hungreh again!"

I tripled my daily walking the moment I started the program. This is where mileage will literally vary because before I was on the program I walked about a mile a day. Now I walk 2.5 to 3 miles every day that I go to work. Lately I'm fucking hating that walk to and from the train with a fiery passion. So bored. B.O.R.E.D. Yes I have an iPod, yes I vary my route, yes I wear different shoes. There are only so many ways to get from point C to point F as it were.

At a certain point that walking stopped helping me. I still need to do it to maintain my success but it's not getting me any closer to goal. Your body gets used to stuff so it stops losing weight. I try to do a little more at least 3 days a week now and it's helping but the closer you get to goal the slower the going is. Your body is just mean that way.

I never got to a point where eating this way or exercising this way made me feel "better." You know how people say that after they get used to exercising or eating their veggies it started giving them all this energy and this huge sense of well-being? I'm inclined to think those people are full of something that's not chocolate. I fucking hate to exercise and no matter what sorts of things I do and what reasons I find to continue to do them I do not love them and I do not feel all "whoopee!" when I do them. Exercise will always be a program for me and I'll always be looking for a way out of it.

I cheat on weigh in. I will weigh in a day early to gauge how close I am before Monday's official weigh in. If, on Monday, I'm not where I'd like to be I wait and have a redo on Tuesday before I record my weight. I weigh in pre-breakfast, post shower, naked and thoroughly dry for maximum weightlessness. If I don't like what I see I will also re-weigh right away just in case my position on the scale or the scale's position on the floor are impacting my reading.

I get freaked out now if my comfort foods aren't available at my grocery place every week. It feels like my whole hope of progress gets mangled if I don't have safety foods in place. I can deal if can't get them but it makes me a little edgy.

I'm lucky enough to have had someone lend me a scale that measures in half pounds. Before I had that the interminable 2 week wait (or more!) to lose a pound was demoralizing. Also, I've measured my weight on the same scale for the entire time. All this loss is relative. When the doc weighs me on the big scale at his office I'm about 10 lbs heavier than the numbers I'm tossing around here but since I started out at 153 on my home scale I'm working entirely in numbers relative to that.

The moment I hit publish I'll think of 18 other things to tell you but I think this has been plenty long even for the long answer so I'm cutting myself off.

Does that answer your question?

Teachable Moment

I love to see parents taking advantage of teachable moments. I saw this little butterfly ask a question and dad leaped in, picking her up and discussing the budding process.

"Maybe...maybe...maybe next time we come back it will be bigger flower?"

"We'll have to pay attention when we walk by and see."

I believe him, I think he'll make sure they do.

Persistence

When this dog first moved into the neighborhood years ago he had a particularly gnarly amputation. He's still going strong. Even though he never looks quite steady on his remaining pins he doesn't seem phased by his apparent wobbling.

10 Rings Things

The Nordic Chef was borrowing my couch for convalescence on Sunday and we turned on the Lord of the Rings at around noon. I hardly got any sleep that night because the dang trilogy finished about 10 minutes before I was supposed to get up to go to work the next morning. I'm not saying it's long but Dirk Diggler feels inferior next to that thing. So, here's 10 things about a movie that I've seen once properly on DVD and once in snippets on TNT.

1. So. Fricking fracking. Long. My god, people. The last third of that climb up the mountain goes on for almost 3 hours even without commercials. No wonder the poor little hobbitses are tired.

2. Anything with Viggo is worth any time commitment whatsoever.

3. I prefer curly brunette haired pirate Orlando to the blond elfin version.

4. If you're going to fall in love forever with an Elf Princess wouldn't you choose Cate Blanchett over Liv Tyler? (No offense Liv! I love you in Jersey Girl!)

5. I love those wacky dog/wolf things that the specialized orcs ride.

6. Speaking of which, how many different dang kinds of orcs are there anyway? Yeesh! I like the guy who looks like the Silverback in Planet of the Apes with snagglier teeth. Make up your mind, though, what does a damn orc look like? Are they silver backy or ancient vampiry or gollumy or what?

7. Would you rather live in a round-doored cozy hobbit hole or a cool stone majestic elf castle? I could go either way. I might need one for weekdays and the other for weekends.

8. I'd really like to explore all the Christian imagery in the story but that would entail me reading both the bible and the Lord of the Rings trilogy in order to explore it properly and I just don't think I have the gumption for either one, much less both. Nordic Chef and I had a good time doing it all half-assed as we waved pieces of cake at the screen from under our blankets, though.

9. Fight scenes like those, especially the whole Helm's Deep battle, make me want to go directly back into a stage combat class. I want to move up a level or two and learn to use a broad sword and cudgel and other big stuff.

10. How bad do you feel for that poor blond princessy girl, huh? Everywhere she turns some guy she has the hots for gets offed or disappears or gets jumped by some pouty-lipped elf princess. Talk about abandonment issues. She makes my heart hurt.

What Is This?

While waiting for the light to change so I could go home one night last week I saw not one but two of these. I missed the yellow one that was in front. Ferrari? Delorian? I have no idea.

Little Miss Wrongfoot

Just a word to the wise, 2 day old pre-dressed salad is not very appetizing. It is a particularly silly idea to take this salad sight unseen to work for lunch at the start of a week when one has come very close (very very close) to a weight loss goal and yet, not reached it.

Kids, I am goal oriented and I am vain. I am pissed that I didn't hit goal and I hate that I failed to put makeup on my head trough before going to Saturday's party and I accidentally put on very ugly very wrong socks on with my questionable outfit and no makeup today. Usually I wouldn't care but we got (another) new guy at work today and (for the first time) this one is good looking and I feel like a troll.

How's your week kicking off? Any uplifting stories to tell me?

The Pre-party

Me and the birthday boy chillin' at the pre-party, as seen by the birthday mom. As you can see he likes me well enough but he's skeptical of my instruction.

Smalls

This is Biggie. He is very wiggly and very lovey and very obedient. His owners seem to be in a perpetual state of amazement over it.

Did I Mention There Was Cake?

Two kinds of cake even. Made from the recipes of a late great aunt. Mildred, I think. Thanks Mildred!

I'm going to be posting the rest of the photos over at Flickr as I get them culled and enhanced and whatnot so head over to see what I'm up to over there and you should see new photos fairly often.

What's up for your Sunday? I'm going to visit my accountant.

Party Like It's 2008

I took over 100 pictures today. Most of them of the dude on the right since we were celebrating his first birthday. I am all sugared up on two different kinds of homemade cake with homemade frosting and some not homemade but equally delicious ice cream. This is a good thing since I need to get the house ready for a guest who just called to say she'll be here in less than 2 hours so speed and determination are key.

Which is all my way of saying, don't worry, I'm fine, no bad things happened yesterday just a lot of things happening in an order for which I hadn't planned even a little.

This is my favorite shot of the day. I failed to make myself fashionably late so I caught some one on one time with the birthday boy. While his parents prepared snacks he sat on my lap and I clicked and clicked and made stupid noises so he'd be looking while I clicked. Looks like some of those stupid noises worked.

Later on I'll upload them all and we can have a little slideshow, eh?

Ever Changing Canvas

I tend to scrutinize the fire call box above a few times a week for new work. There's always something going on. The clean, red surfaces must be irresistible.

I know that serious art graffiti exists all over the city but I don't see a lot of it. This fiery and challenging lady is just a few blocks from my house. I like her. Kind of a lot. I've been feeling all "grrr" like that for a while now.

The Flora of Fort Greene

My day did not turn out anything like I had thought it would. This is the first moment I've had to sit down quietly at the computer since I last posted. I'm going to bed now, I'm bushed. In the meantime...
...a little bit of hope for those of you who are still waiting for buds.
Don't worry, I assure you it's still way too cold out for me.
I'm grateful for some colors, though.

Finding The Playable Objective

I've been having a lot of trouble writing this post. That's not quite it, I haven't been having trouble writing it at all, I've been writing it for the better part of 2008, but I've been having trouble writing it in a way that's not directly offensive to pretty much everyone.

Sustainability turns out to be a hot button issue for me. I use plastic bags (use 'em twice since I have sanitation rules here with the dog), I leave at least one light burning at all times so the cats can see the catbox in the closet, occasionally I run the dishwasher before it's full yet sustainability is a hot button issue for me? How is that possible?

I've spent a lot of time feeling guilty about all of those things and many, many more (I take long showers, OK, I've tried to cut down and I just can't do it!). I should, too. I should be trying harder to recycle (I'm lucky that recycling is easy here in NYC and I do a lot of it but I could do more) and to cut down on packaging and a hundred other things. I spend time on the internet so I hear people getting up on their soap boxes about this stuff and I feel chastised every time, even if the conversation is Diapers: Cloth or Disposable.

Then one day I noticed that a decent chunk of the people giving Reduce/Reuse/Recycle lectures had kids and they'd had them the old-fashioned way. Usually more than one. Often more than 3. That's a lot of kids. In addition some of them had purebred, non-rescued pets and a few had purebred, non-rescued unneutered/unspayed pets.

And here's where I get stuck every time I try to write this post because all I want to do is start screaming, "IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT WHEN I BUY A ROLL OF PAPER TOWELS AND A NEW SWEATER BUT IT'S OK TO BRING A WHOLE NEW CONSUMER ONTO OUR OVERTAXED LITTLE PLANET!??!?!?!!" Then I start spinning in circles and quoting Dan Savage on breeders and telling stories about my mother's 9 cats and 2 possums and banging my shoe on the desk like Kruschev.

Eventually I calm down and realize that the shoe-banging approach is unlikely to convince people see my side of the story. I mean, really, when was the last time you told someone, "Yeah, I don't think you should have children." and they took it well? I'm guessing somewhere in the vicinity of never.

I'm going to try and explain my basic view on this extremely not basic question in a few short non-judgemental sentences and I beg you to do your best to read them in that same spirit.

I think we have plenty of people and companion animals on the earth right now. We have for as long as I've been alive I'll bet. A lot of those beings don't have enough food or shelter or medical care or moral guidance or sympathetic ears to listen or strong arms to throw the ball for a game of fetch. I think that reducing, reusing and recycling are important tools in the quest for sustainability but I think they are a secondary part of that effort. I think that the core of sustainability is in taking care of the beings already here needing to use items which will then need to be reduced, reused and recycled before we make more. In light of that thinking I find it incongruous (once I've put down my shoe and taken a deep breath) that people are purchasing specifically bred dogs and having biological children, often many of each, and then constructing a sturdy soap box from which to lecture the populous on how we're using too many precious, finite resources.

Ok, whew, are we all still here and wearing both our shoes? That was scary to write and it's going to be even scarier to hit "publish." I hope we all survive and still exchange holiday cards.

After 100 mental re-writes of this subject I was still desperately looking for a way to make my case from a positive stance. In acting classes they tell you that you "can't play a negative." For instance deciding that my objective for a scene is "I don't love Steve" won't help me but if it's a scene with Steve and I play "I love Stephanie" well, there's something I can work with. Even if I'm shoe bangingly angry every time I read someone's opinion about how to approach sustainability challenging their beliefs isn't useful. Telling people what my, quite possibly opposing (but perhaps not), views are is more "playable." As it turns out my upbringing and life are a decent start for positive illustrations of my beliefs on the core of sustainability. Did you know that my grandfather, my father and I are all only children but we each have at least one sibling? Yeah, I'll explain as we get along in the series.

Series? You may ask.

Yeah, a series is in order I think. Every so often I'm going to write up a sustainability story. Look for informally adopted children, formally adopted dogs, rescued cats and one terrible story about a taxidermist and a skunk.

Behind Door Number Three

Things like this make me want to send you all out on an assignment to find something in your everyday wanderings that you have never seen before.

I have probably shown you a picture of this door and its partner before. The other side of them, that is. The guy whose car lives behind this door is petrified of dogs. He's the kind of terrified that means sometimes he'll slip into the yard behind the door if he sees Emily coming. Still and all I've walked by without her and I've walked by on the other side of the street when he's been backing the car out. How did I miss fact that there's an entire painting on the inside of it?

I don't really get what's going on here in the painting - a series of doors, maybe windows, maybe a row of smaller scenes - but I kind of love it and I really want to see what's behind the door the other door.

Laying Pipe

Kids, for the first time in many moons there's nothing finished in the pipeline. A couple of posts in draft form but not entirely vetted for public consumption. A bunch of pictures in the camera but I'm at work so don't want to upload those here. An uncountable number of things in the starred file of my reader waiting to be addressed. No finished products, though.

This is what blogging is supposed to be, right? All spontaneous and shit. Apparently I'd forgotten. All I've got for you is:

I ate slurry for lunch.
I walked around the block and took some architecture photos.
And some pigeon ones.
I don't understand the language in my camera manual.
I don't want to prep my taxes for the accountant tonight but I've got to go to a poetry reading tomorrow night and I've newly acquired a houseguest for the rest of the weekend and the meeting with the accountant is on Sunday so it has to be tonight.

Bleargh.

And....I'm out.

And They Told 2 Friends and They Told...

Some time back (so far back in fact that I have no idea where the specific entry is) Tense Teacher became a link in a chain of paying things forward. The deal is that you write a little entry like I'm doing here, you decide on a way to choose three commenters, you ask people to comment if they're willing to pay it forward then you do something nice for the three people who "win."

I never win anything but I totally won when I commented over at Tense's joint! So, if you're willing to pay it forward please make a comment here. If you have a blog please do your forward paying in the approved way like this and if you don't perhaps you can write a guest post about how you did it. I'll reveal the winners on...hmmm....let's say Monday evening, so comment before 5pm on Monday, mmK, and perhaps I'll be doing something nice for you.

Did I make any sense at all? I may have just confused myself.

Only Fooling Myself

The young man in the center is part of the team that has been smashing and reglazing windows in the bank directly below my bedroom for that last two Sunday mornings. After cursing them to the ends of the earth I got up and walked the dog. On the way back in Young Master Glazer tapped his counterpart on the inside of the window and I heard, "...German Shepherd and a fox..." For a second I was flattered but then I thought it through and you have to figure he meant, "What a cool looking mixed breed dog" not "look at that dog being walked by the hot chick."

Specialty Meme

If you don't like TV you can probably skip off elsewhere for this one, this if for people who love it to their core, like me. I got it here, so many thanks to candlewaxdreams.

I'm not certain I agree with this being the actual 50 greatest TV shows of all time but I'm willing to work with it.


Empire Magazine has revealed its list of the "50 Greatest TV Shows" ever. So, of course, LJ-ers have leapt upon the opportunity and made it into a meme.

1. Bold the shows you've watched every episode of
2. Italicize the shows you've seen at least one episode of
3. Post your answers



50. Quantum Leap
49. Prison Break
48. Veronica Mars
47. Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
46. Sex & The City

45. Farscape
44. Cracker
43. Star Trek
42. Only Fools and Horses - what is this?
41. Band of Brothers

40. Life on Mars - I recognize the name of this but also have no idea what it is.
39. Monty Python's Flying Circus
38. Curb Your Enthusiasm
37. Star Trek: The Next Generation
36. Father Ted

35. Alias
34. Frasier
33. CSI: Las Vegas
32. Babylon 5
31. Deadwood

30. Dexter
29. ER
28. Fawlty Towers
27. Six Feet Under
26. Red Dwarf - I feel like I should see this but I'm not a fan of Mr. Bean and I can't get past the fact that Rowan Atkinson does both.

25. Futurama
24. Twin Peaks
23. The Office UK - I watched the whole bloody first season and just did not get the hype. It's why I haven't watched any of the US version, though I'm told I'm totally missing out.
22. The Shield - I still love you Lem!
21. Angel

20. Blackadder
19. Scrubs
18. Arrested Development
17. South Park - It's possible I've seen a whole episode of this but I didn't like it. If I saw the original "Christmas Card" video they did that launched the series, does that count?
16. Doctor Who (new version)

15. Heroes
14. Firefly
13. Battlestar Galactica (new version)
12. Family Guy
11. Seinfeld - I may have seen a whole episode of this, too, it's pretty hard to escape but I'm one of the few that was not turned loose by any part of this. Come to think of it I think I did see the whole ep where Elaine dances stupidly. I'm still not italicizing.

10. Spaced - again, huh?
09. The X-Files - And the movie too.
08. The Wire - I can't wait for Season 5 to come out on DVD so I can be up to date.
07. Friends
06. 24

05. Lost
04. The West Wing - In my estimation I've seen all of these. I've seen all of them up to the point where Sorkin left the show so I've seen all the real ones.
03. The Sopranos - Saw the whole first season. Can't decide if I'll go back and try for the rest of the series.
02. Buffy the Vampire Slayer - LOVE!!!!
01. The Simpsons - Blick.

She's Beautiful Though I Have No Idea What She Looks Like

I was reminded today of how much enjoy Dorothy Parker. We all enjoy some snark these days but she was the mistress, long before someone made such an ugly word. Someone had used one of her short poems to head a chapter of fanfic and I can't find it now so I thought I'd scroll through and give some other gems from her highlight reel.

"If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised."

"If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to."

"This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force."

Aha! I didn't find the fanfic but I did find the poem that inspired my renewed interest.

“My land is bare of chattering folk;
the clouds are low along the ridges,
and sweet's the air with curly smoke
from all my burning bridges.”

For those of us who were doing the 6 word biographies, doesn't this beat those all to shit?
“Ducking for apples - change one letter and it's the story of my life.”

And to close, something a little longer, a little more thoughtful yet no less visceral:

Star Light Star Bright

Star, that gives a gracious dole,
What am I to choose?
Oh, will it be a shriven soul,
Or little buckled shoes?

Shall I wish a wedding-ring,
Bright and thin and round,
Or plead you send me covering-
A newly spaded mound?

Gentle beam, shall I implore
Gold, or sailing-ships,
Or beg I hate forevermore
A pair of lying lips?

Swing you low or high away,
Burn you hot or dim;
My only wish I dare not say-
Lest you should grant me him.

Do Not Bend, Fold or Crumple

This is the bag that I looked at with Pony Express a couple of weeks ago. It's the 4 Million Dollar Home. I thought I could have done with the 2 or the 3 million and I could get by but they're really for smaller cameras. Mine will work but not if I bring an extra lens at any point. This one is as big as I want to go, really, for walking around the world taking photos. I don't want to be hauling (any more of) my life around on my back if I can stop myself.

I can hear you asking, "So, were they out? Why didn't you buy one?" It's $60 before tax is why and I wasn't quite ready to commit. I think I am now. I have no idea which colors to get either. I am in a serious no spend mode and every dollar is kind of freaking me out.

So Very Nearly There

See those pants right there? Size 10, baby.
I wore them for my birthday get together in January and there was an eensy bit of camel toe going on. By the time I'd finished an evening of champagne and chocolate cake I was pretty uncomfortable. Today, though, not even a hint of the camel toe and I've eaten all sorts of stuff and they stayed comfortable.
I am one half pound away from the goal y'all. It feels both very close and petrifyingly far away.
Pay no attention to the random crap strewn about my house and the fact that I have to feed the dog in the living room so I can keep the cats from poaching her kibble. This was actually before I fed her, before I got her food all put together, turned around, got slippery fingers and spread that shit over a 5 foot radius. Please explain to me why an animal who is happy to eat stale vomit from the pavement is squeamish about eating kibble and stew from the parquet floor.

You Freaking Pansy

The flower of choice for people who feel they must be planting something right this second in my neighborhood.

Quotery

1. A Mother: ...in denominations (gets blank stare from daughter) so it's given out in increments.
Her Daughter: Mom?
AM: What?
HD: What are increments?
We were passing on the street so I don't know how long this went on. I almost turned around and followed them to see.

2. "My parents keep asking how school was. It's like saying, "How was that drive-by shooting?" You don't care how it *was*, you're lucky to get out alive." Angela Chase, My So-Called Life

3. "Because every klezmer band in town is booked and I desperately need a band. But if I hire you, you have to be willing to "hora". Is that a problem?" Heidi, Dummy

4. "All of us have to recognize that we owe our children more than we have been giving them." Hilary Clinton

5. Everything from last night's episode of How I Met Your Mother. I'm sorry I don't have time to transcribe the whole thing, you'd love it.

6. "I think they should invent a new word... a word that describes how you feel before you kiss someone. I think it's like when a bird decides that it can fly." Grace Manning, Once & Again

7. "Though this be madness, yet there is method in 't." Hamlet

8. "Money is not the only answer, but it makes a difference." Barack Obama

9. "Good actors can sort of see into people and immediately you have a chemistry with them or not. It's like an affair with no mess. " John Cusack (Ah, it's no wonder I love him.)

10. "We shall find peace, we shall hear angels, we shall see the sky sparkling with diamonds." Anton Chekhov from a holiday card from Pony Express (This is why I save shit.)